Others
Crime Humorous
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Book 1
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Book 2
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Book 3
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Book 4
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Book 5
The Fraudster
Igwegbe Lawrence Emeka
Work is dedicated to Michal Gabriel
Mary and my wife Georgina Igwegbe.
The work is also dedicated to the
following; Late Mrs. Maria Helen OkonEffiong and Late Mazi Solomon Nwachukwu Igwegbe.
The story is true but all names,
in this work do not belong to any body known dead or alive. Also names of
places and institutions do not exist or are used fictitiously.
Content
Chapter
1
Fraudster 1
"Mazi
you are here playing draft while your wife is in labor!"Obieke said
looking worried.
"Eheen!
That is what is known as division
of labor! Well I don't blame you, youths of today, education is either dying or
dead already. Now you are doing elementary school ‘elemetere' both students and
teachers neither know their left nor their right! In our days in the good old
days it was standard school we were better thought by more dedicated teachers!
My wife chose the work she would do, and that incidentally is being in labor
while I chose playing draft game and that is one of the perfect examples of
division of labor!" MaziUdenwe
said took a sip of his sour palm wine and continued playing his games.
"But Mazi
in those your good old days of standard school, a man, yes a man at 18 would
still be in primary school! I even heard that some pupils, if you would call
them that, have as much beard as their teachers!"
"You are talking of bearded
students? In my class someone even have a wife and was still in standard
4!"
"And still in primary
school!?"
"No! It was not primary
school; standard school!"
"Ok Mazi
that is not why I am here. Won't you follow me to aid your wife get to the
midwife?"
"Shut up your mouth who told
you she needs help to get to the mid wife? This is her fifth child. All of them
girls and I can't remember any of them she needed help of any kind. Besides
given birth to girls; I am sure is far easier than giving birth to a baby boy!
Perhaps the day she decides to give me a male child I may consider giving her
some help!"
"But how are you going to
know when she would be giving you a male child? It may
be this particular one."
"Go and sit down. I do not
see her giving me a male child until she has given birth to her twelfth girl
child! Please go away and let me teach this ‘itimpataka', novice, how to play
the board game!"
Two hours later, Uzoamaka,
MaziUdenwe's
daughter rushed to where her father was still continuing his board game;
"Papa! Papa!! Papa!!! Mama has given birth to a male child-
but... "
MaziUdenwe
didn't wait for the details he rose quickly overturning the board game
scattering all the pebbles on the floor as he rushed off to his wife who has
been delivered of a child.
Fraudster 2
"Nurse where is my wife? In
which ward is she!?"
"It is only now; you know
that your wife needed you by her side. Isn't it? Now she has given birth to a
boy?"
"So it is true! I am now a
man! I now have Obi is a boy! Obi is a boy! Obi is a boy!!" Mazi Udenwe
said and did a swift jig.
Fraudster 3
"Don't dance! Not yet, the
child has not started breathing yet in fact if not sounding rude and perhaps
careless we would have declared the child a still birth if not for the
fact that the body of the child is still warm.
The doctor is doing all he can to see if your child will start breathing!"
"Can I go and see them now."
"You are joking! Aren't you?
You have to make do by hanging around here or better still you go and wait at
the reception!"
"No! no!! I prefer to stay
here."
"Suit yourself!" The
nurse concluded and rushed into where the doctor is battling to make MaziUdenwe's
child's heart kick-start.
Meanwhile inside the theatre, the
Doctor had tried three different ways of kick starting an infant's heart but
none has made the child to give out the much desired first cry to signify that
the baby is indeed alive. The doctor has decided that after one more attempt,
he would declare the baby still birth. After the attempt, however the baby
still failed to respond but the body is still warm so the Doctor has no option
than to abandon; so he shock his head slightly and removed his hands gloves and
walked out. The nurses had one last sorry look at the still baby lying on the
baby curt. Outside MaziUdenwe
tried to ask the Doctor about the fate of his child but the Doctor passed him
as if he didn't hear what he was being asked. He rushed to the door of the
theatre but was once more prevented from entering by the nurses. Later one of
the nurses went to the doctor to know if they could allow MaziUdenwe
to see the wife and the baby if it would be called that. When MaziUdenwe
finally entered he went straight to where the baby was kept but was highly
embittered that the baby is lying lifeless. MaziUdenwe
bit his lower lip and cursed. That was the only time he had a brief glance at
his wife lying on the bed as if in his mind he was scolding the wife for
failing to give him a child that is hale and hearty. He carefully lifted the
baby's little paw and it dropped involuntarily on the small baby cot.
"Nurse is he dead!?" MaziUdenwe
asked anxiously.
"I don't know. His body is
still warm. My honest advise is that if you still remember how to say your
rosary you should start now to say it while there is still chance of success!"
the nurse said and walked out.
MaziUdenwe
confused as to whether to listen to the nurse’s advice or not, quickly knelt
but stood up almost immediately and even though he occasionally go with some
people to church when they are doing thanks given or some ceremony but on his
own had long forgotten how to say the Rosary or any prayer for that matter.
However, he quickly realized that this may be his only chance to have a male
child so once more he clumsily knelt.
Fraudster 4
He bit his lower lips again but
when he glanced at his still baby lying on the baby cot, he abruptly knelt once
again and raised both hands to the high heaven.
"God!! I need a baby boy and
you have graciously given me one only that it is not breathing. My God I am
content with this one. Please make him breathe!" He said this over and
over closing his eyes tight.
He didn't even notice when the
Doctor and his visiting friend came into the ward where the wife has now been
moved to. The duty nurse tapped him on the shoulder, "Mister! The Doctors
have come in to try again, you may now continue your prayers in the corridor or
at the reception," the nurse said and maneuvered MaziUdenwe
out of the ward.
The new visiting doctor used his stethoscope
to check for any kind of heart beat on the child but there was none and yet the
boy's body is still warm. He put on his gloves and gently covered the baby's
mouth and nose and pressed tight the baby's anus for a moment, longer, much
longer and as he was almost giving up the child suddenly stirred violently and
swiftly the Doctor released his holds and the child burst out with his first
cry! The mother almost came down the bed in great joy if not for the fact that
the nurses prevented her. When eventually news reached MaziUdenwe
that the child has been revived, he ran like frightened porcupine and almost
pushed down a patient being wheeled in for an operation to grab the little
child in his arms. After admiring the child for a while he laid him back on the
cot and for the first time kissed the wife full on her lips in the public but
little did the happy couple know, that was the birth of an all time con man!
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